If you’ve found yourself on this blog post, I’m assuming you’re either going through a crap time, being nosy or want to know for the future because let’s be honest there’s a lot of fuckboys out there. Can they just leave please? I’ve had so many messages lately on Instagram regarding break ups or even how to move on from someone you never even made it ‘official’ with so I thought I’d put it into one big blog post. There’s so many reasons why breakups happen – the person might have just woke up one day and decided to leave, you’ve been cheated on, you mutually broke up.. there are sooo many reasons. Perhaps you were seeing someone and you thought it was going somewhere but then everything changes before you could make it official. The same feeling applies each time – shit.. what do I do next? Hopefully this honest guide to moving on from a breakup helps!
Stage 1 – Feel sorry for yourself
This is the worst stage because it’s probably just happened which is where you’re all over the place but it needs to happen. It’s the most important step. It might sound like a great idea to go out, get dressed up to make them jealous, get drunk so you don’t remember a thing so by 11 o’clock you’ll be like who is my ex again?! but it won’t solve the problem. You’ll only wake up feeling 10x worse but this time you won’t just be crying, you’ll be throwing up too! The crying stage – constant tears, you feel like the world has ended. You can’t stop thinking about the good times and you’re probably completely forgetting the actual reason why it ended in the first place. You do become blind to certain things in relationships so even if this person cheated, left you, treated you like crap towards the end, you’ll just be thinking of the good times but you have to remember they are no longer that person. They changed, they showed you their true colours so believe it.
Put sad films on. Watch The Notebook, Love Rosie, all the sad love films you can think of. I have been known to type into YouTube ‘Hanna and Caleb Pretty Little Liars cute moments’ and oh my god it’s a killer… avoid if you can! Listen to sad songs. Text your friends about how you’ll forever be single. Send your friends crying voices notes a million times. I can actually confirm this stage doesn’t last even though it feels like you’ll never get over it. Also remember it’s not a straightforward process. You will literally be fine one day and then crying the next but that doesn’t mean you aren’t moving forward or getting over it because you are.
Stage 2 – Talk to your friends/family and remove from social media
I feel like everyone has different friends that bring something different to the table so you’ll have that brutally honest friend, the friend who will be like ‘oh no I can’t believe you’ve split’ to the friend who will be like ‘they were an arsehole anyway!”. It’s nice to have mixed opinions on it sometimes. You’ve probably been there for them when they’ve been through this so now it’s their turn to be there for you. Spam their phone with constant rants and let it out and ring them instead of the person you’ve split with. DO NOT CONTACT YOUR EX! Remove them from social media. If your ex starts posting photos and videos of them out having a great time loving life whilst you’re sat inside it’s only going to make you feel SO much worse and question how the bloody hell they’ve moved on so quick. What you can’t see can’t hurt you. It’s better that you have no clue.
I know as girls we like to keep them on everything so they can see our hot selfies because we think oh yes if they see me looking good they’ll change their mind, they’ll come running back… doesn’t happen. You just get even more annoyed when you’ve wasted expensive makeup and two hours of your life getting ready for them to just view it and not even message you. Waste of time and energy. They shouldn’t need to see a hot photo of you anyway they’ve seen you looking good before. If they wanted to be with you they would but they don’t which is why you need to get over them! You don’t need someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
Stage 3 – The psycho angry stage
This stage could go so many different ways – you could even get yourself arrested if you take it to the extreme. I find after talking to friends about the situation you suddenly wake up and realise how much of an arsehole this person was and you suddenly have a realisation of omfg revenge time. You’ll want to key their car, you’ll question how likely it is for someone to spot you going in disguise to leave a nail behind their tyre, you’ll run through so many different ideas in your head. You might want to go out where you know they’ll be, you might consider getting with someone else just to annoy them, the list is endless. You kind of just have to roll with this and just hold yourself back from doing anything ridiculous because this stage will also pass!
Stage 4 – Get a bit of a grip
I mean this in the nicest way possible but there comes a point where you have to stop ordering endless Dominos and walking around the house crying all the time. I don’t mean go out and conquer the world because you still won’t feel that great but put your makeup on, put normal clothes on other than your Primark pjs and distract yourself with something whether that be blogging, working, school work, anything! Make plans and go out but don’t try and go wherever you know your ex will be because it’ll make it so much harder when you see them face to face. It’ll probably just take you right back to stage number one which is what you definitely don’t want. You can’t waste your life sitting around waiting for this person to come back or wondering the what ifs, lift your head high and tell yourself you will be okay. There will be other people, hopefully the right one next time! But if not, you survived it once you’ll do it again. You had a life before them you’ll have a life after them. Get your shit together, put on a good Spotify playlist and you’ll be fine.
Stage 5 – The okay stage
This stage is a good stage because you might still get upset from time to time or still think about them (completely normal), but it won’t be enough to ruin your day or make you want to stay in bed. You’ll be back to your old self again and find yourself laughing more. Your friends don’t mention the ex as much because they don’t want to upset you and you barely hear about them.
Stage 6 – You’ll eventually find someone else
This might come a month later, 6 months or 6 years you just never know but eventually someone else will come along and make you feel so glad it never worked out with the ex. They’ll treat you so much better, make you laugh more and never leave you question yourself. You’ll probably look back and remember how you were at stage one and laugh because that person was never worth it anyway!
Know your self worth – Remember that being with someone isn’t essential to complete you as a person. There are so many good things about being single and you can essentially do whatever. Someone else will want you and breakups can leave you questioning yourself but the way someone treated you is their problem not yours. Karma will get them don’t you worry!
Thought Catalog articles are the best and so are videos – If you’re still feeling crap read these articles/ watch these two videos over and over again
Don’t let it put you off future relationships – Obviously you won’t be rushing into a relationship anytime soon but when the time is right don’t let it put you off being with someone again. Not every relationship will end that way and not everyone is out to hurt you. It’s normal to be wary after being hurt I don’t know one person who wouldn’t be, but not every single person is like that. You will find someone better when the time is right.
Make a list of all the negative things about that person – This one can really help. Make a list on notes on your phone of all the things you disliked/hated about this person. Write down the times they made you feel like shit and maybe the reasons why you broke up. Did they lie? Did they make you question yourself? Write them all down and next time you’re upset over them and wanting them back, read the list. You don’t want someone like that.
Hopefully this post has helped in some way. If you know someone who is going through a breakup right now, send it to them.